It takes a Village to raise kids… here’s how to find one.
As the saying goes, it takes a Village to raise a child. Yet, many mothers struggle to find this “Village.” If you are one of them and don’t quite know where to start, here are some practical, easy ways to find your community.
As moms, we are all told “It takes a Village.”
And if you’re like me, you may have thought this “Village” was going to magically appear once your baby was born. That is what I mistakenly believed; yet quickly after my baby arrived, I discovered that was not the reality. In fact, having a baby and becoming a mom was the most isolating time of my life, as it is for many mothers. I assumed my family (who lives nearby) would start coming over and helping me with feedings, diaper changes, cleaning, cooking… yet when it didn’t happen, I wasn't sure who to turn to for the support I deeply needed…
Being home with a baby, I felt more alone than ever before. While my family would stop by on occasion, it was for short visits versus staying for a prolonged period and offering to help. I thought my overwhelm was so obvious that they would know I was in way over my head and needed help…but it clearly wasn’t, and it seemed like they were more interested in being entertained vs. jumping in to take a load off of me.
Part of the problem could have been me. I assumed they knew I wanted help, yet I didn’t know how to directly ask for it. I thought my dark eye circles from lack of sleep, laundry piles and messy house were obvious signals that I needed a lifeline to save me from drowning in new motherhood, but clearly it wasn’t.
I started to develop postpartum anxiety and depression. At that point, a friend of mine (and fellow mom) suggested I join a local mom group. I took her advice and went the very next day. I was welcomed by the moms with open arms and suddenly felt like I was not alone. I found an instant connection with them because we were all in the same stage of motherhood. I suddenly felt not so alone and started to feel I could do this. That was the moment I realized I had found my Village, and it forever changed my life.
Because there is so much uncertainty as we become mothers, a community of peers who understand, empathize and help us navigate this pivotal period can have an outsized impact on our wellbeing.
Source: postpartum.net
As a new mother, I wish someone would’ve told me how important having a Village is. And also that it takes work to go out and find a Village. As valuable as it is, many moms simply don’t know how to get started. And with the pandemic increasing isolation from family, friends, and neighbors, this said “Village” seems to be harder and harder to find for mothers.
“Pre-pandemic anxiety and depression affected 10 - 25% of women during pregnancy and in the year after childbirth. During the pandemic, these numbers shot up to 37% showing clinically significant levels of depression and 57% showing clinically significant levels of anxiety, according to Science Direct.
If you look back in time, you will see that the concept of the "village" in raising children has been around for centuries, and our ancestors found it instinctual. The Village concept is believed to have originated from traditional African cultures, where it was customary for the entire community to participate in the upbringing of children. This practice was based on the belief that it takes a collective effort to raise a child and that children need the support and guidance of multiple adults to thrive.
The idea of the village is grounded in the belief that children need a diverse network of caring adults to thrive. Children benefit from the guidance, love, and support of multiple adults, who can provide different perspectives, skills, and experiences. Additionally, the village provides parents with a support system, which can help to alleviate the stresses of parenthood and provide a sense of community.
In these cultures, children were considered to be the responsibility of the entire community, not just the parents. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and other extended family members played a significant role in caring for and raising children. Neighbors and other members of the community also participated in childcare, often providing assistance with tasks such as cooking, cleaning, and babysitting.
Today, the concept of the village is being embraced by many parents around the world, who are seeking to build supportive communities for themselves and their children.
Not sure where to start? Here are a few ideas:
Join Facebook groups in your city to connect with moms in your area
Invite moms you meet at the park or at school to schedule a playdate
Attend family events in your community
Join a local FIT4MOM group for kid-friendly workouts and free playgroups
Check out the meet-up site, Peanut or Next Door for mom meet-ups near you
Sign up for June Care which connects families with stay-at-home moms who can help with childcare.
June Care stands for Joining Up Neighbors Everywhere and it was created to bring back the Village by empowering moms to support other moms through childcare. It’s a great way to connect with moms in your neighborhood and your kids can meet new friends at the same time.
Having a supportive community around you can make all the difference in the world when it comes to your own mental health and happiness, as well as raising healthy and happy children.
Here are just a few of the benefits of having a village, for both mothers and children:
Emotional Support
The journey of motherhood can be overwhelming and sometimes lonely. Having a village of supportive family and friends can provide emotional support and a sense of community for new mothers. This support network can provide a listening ear, offer advice, and provide a shoulder to lean on during difficult times.
Childcare and Self-Care
Having a village can also provide practical assistance for mothers. This can include help with household chores, preparing meals, and with June Care, help with babysitting and childcare. A simple act of kindness like dropping off a meal or offering to watch a newborn so a mom can take a shower, can take a lot of pressure off new mothers and provide the time they need to take care of themselves. Taking time for self-care is critical for moms to be the strongest and healthiest version of themselves.
Socialization for Children
Children need socialization from a young age to develop social skills and make connections with others. A village can provide opportunities for children to interact with other children in a safe and nurturing environment. Playdates, community events, and outings with friends can all contribute to a child's social development.
“Children and adolescents who have a formal or informal “mentor-like” relationship with someone outside their home are less likely to have externalizing behavior problems (bullying) and internalizing problems (depression).”
Sharing Resources
A village can also provide a network for sharing resources. This can include trading children’s clothes and baby gear, carpooling to events, and sharing information about local events and resources. This can save families money and provide access to resources they may not have had otherwise.
Mental Health Support
Motherhood can be a challenging time for mental health. Research shows that emotional connection and emotional support, particularly from local sources, helps dramatically mitigate anxiety and depression for families, particularly mothers.Having a supportive community can provide a safe space for mothers to talk about their mental health concerns and get support. This can include sharing experiences with postpartum depression or anxiety and finding resources for mental health support.
Building a supportive community takes time and effort, but the benefits are worth it for the health and happiness of both mothers and their children. By building a village, parents can provide their children with the care and support they need to grow and thrive.
Nicole Cox is the Head of Marketing and Communications for June Care and a mom of two.
