What is Alloparenting?
Alloparenting essentially means finding other adults to love on your kids, who are not their biological parents. Why? Because it’s been proven that children and families can benefit from having a community of loving caregivers. And there are many reasons why…
Does raising children today feel especially hard and isolating? That’s actually a (relatively) new problem.
Parents have never raised children in isolated nuclear units the way most of us do today.
A quick history lesson (bear with us):
As far back as we can go in prehistory, parents engaged in what is referred to as “cooperative breeding.” This is the idea that family and community members would help with holding, grooming, feeding… essentially raising each others’ children.
Anthropology experts have called these helpers “Alloparents”, to signify other adults in childrens’ lives who help perform the functions of a parent.
The idea of having multiple adults in a child’s life who know them and who they can trust has been cited as a key factor to a child’s lifelong social and economic success. In fact, some experts have referred to this concept of alloparenting as “part of what it means to be human.”
“Contemporary mothers feel a lot of guilt about sending kids to preschool, daycare or having nannies. This is despite the fact that these are much more normative arrangements, historically speaking, than being with a child 24/7.” said
Darby Saxbe, associate professor of psychology and director of the Center for the Changing Family at USC.
Source: cnn.com
Saxbe said caring without support often leads to burnout for parents, which, in turn, can lead to negative outcomes for the whole family.
“We are a social species living in an isolated, distanced society, which has been compounded by the pandemic,” Saxbe said. “This leads to heightened rates of maternal depression and anxiety, postpartum depression, and anxiety and depression among children.”
This is uncomfortable for many parents to stay out loud, but parenting full-time and on one’s own, isn’t always satisfying. Thinking this doesn’t make one a bad parent, experts say, but someone whose needs and desires were shaped by a long history of alloparenting.
“I think a lot of moms have this feeling that they should want to spend all their time with their children, but children can be boring a lot of the time because kids like repetition,” Saxbe said. “This can be a trap in which parents try to make parenting more interesting for themselves,” by, say, forcing their preschooler to listen to stories about Greek mythology when they just want to read the same book about a pig making a pizza night after night, “but then they are not parenting in the way the child wants.”
According to a study by UC Berkley: A year into the pandemic, parents were two to three times more likely to be diagnosed with a mental health disorder compared to non-parents. Having a supportive community around our children matters. Research across many fields finds that “alloparents”—non-parents who provide parental care to children—can enhance both children’s development and family well-being. They can provide concrete assistance, as well as add love, security, and even mentoring, playing a crucial role in family life.
What does this all mean? We are not meant to go it alone.
There is scientific meaning to the phrase “It Takes a Village,” and the proven benefits of having a community to help us raise kids is beneficial in so many ways, to both the parents and the children.
“Research on almost any topic in developmental science shows that social support to the family improves children’s development. For example, one of the strongest predictors of a child’s resilience in the face of trauma is the presence of any supportive adult—an aunt or uncle, teacher, coach, or friend. Postpartum depression occurs less often when women are surrounded by helpful people after birth. Children’s talents are more likely to develop when a non-parent adult takes a deep interest in them. And teens navigate the bridge to adulthood more successfully with the help of older mentors,” according to UC Berkley’s Greater Good.
We are meant to do this parenting together! We are here for that at June Care. Our platform helps you get back to the way things should be, for you and your kids.
Give June Care (and your neighbors) the benefit of the doubt and connect with one of our Host (Allo)Parents today. It could just help you find the community you’ve been searching for.
